Okay, okay. There’s no need for me to be cynical except that Fox’s track record with the X-Men is only marginally better than Sony’s with Spider-Man. And everything these days is some kind of commercial designed to sell something, so nothing really means anything anymore.

Still, if you can’t get enough super heroes prepare to satisfy your fix.

Also I buried the lede. Apparently they’re making another Star Wars, too. Oh good. More toys. Because as we all know, that’s what Star Wars is all about. Bah, humbug. I’m having a rough week, okay?

As a result this week’s Roundup is particularly wordy.

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The New Mutants (2018)

The New Mutants is an X-Men spinoff comic co-created by fanboy god Chris Claremont. It centers around a group of X-Men trainees, and the inevitable conflict you’d expect from locking teenagers with godlike powers into an environment even more intimate than high school.

Described by the studio as “The Breakfast Club meets One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest“, I salute the courage it takes to base a contemporary blockbuster on cultural touchstones likely unfamiliar to your target audience.

As for the trailer itself, what can I say? It’s dark, moody, everything is blue, there’s that rumbling bass drop sound that’s in every fucking trailer ever, there’s a jump scare near the midpoint, and of course there’s a grim reinterpretation of a popular song that is also probably unfamiliar to the intended audience.

Will the movie be any good? I have no idea. But if I were teaching a class in how to make a movie trailer by the book, this one would get a “B+”.

 

Stranger Things Season 2 (2017)

The whole gang (except poor Barb) is back for Season 2 of everyone’s favorite Choose Your Own Adventure story brought to life. Stranger Things promises to expand on Season 1’s unsatisfying conclusion, but it looks like the town’s adult population (namely my lifelong crush Winona Ryder and your new Hellboy David Harbour) might be starting to get on the same page as the inexplicably genius level intellect of their kids.

Maybe there’s something in the water. I don’t know. What I do know is that Season 1 of Stranger Things, while not (entirely) perfect was the ideal mix of whimsy, adventure and nostalgia for me, and I couldn’t stop watching.

Also apparently Eleven is now being played by a tiny Benedict Cumberbatch. Man, that guy is in EVERYTHING.

 

Goodbye Christopher Robin (2017) Official Trailer

A.A. Milne is the man who accidentally ruined his son’s life by basing a beloved children’s book character on him. Oh, and he’s also the guy who created Winnie the Pooh. I’m not sure to what degree Pooh is still a fixture in the lives of today’s children (since all hope left the world earlier this year, probably none) but he was definitely part of mine.

That said, Pooh was a part of my life only from about 4-6. The nostalgia is mostly gone, but I am intrigued by the story of Milne and his desire to write something wonderful for his son, and the unintended consequences of it. Having children in your life is likely to inspire you to at least WANT to do such a thing, so pay close attention parents.

And DON’T do it.

 

Star Wars: The Last Jedi (2017)

I put this last because I’m sure none of you are interested. But as Tyler pointed out, there’s a new trailer online so I hope you’ll all bear with me while I talk about it.

Like the New Mutants I’ll give it high marks for hitting all the beats. And having the official Star Wars soundtrack at your disposal makes it easy to wring emotion out of almost any scene.

But it also looks like most of the things that bore me about Star Wars are still going to be here. Heroes are born into their roles, and nobody ever has to learn it or earn it so much as they have to just kind of believe really hard until they find their built in cheat code. Everything important in the universe happens to the same bunch of people. Supposedly fearsome villains are clueless idiots. Stuff explodes to distract you from this. Wash, rinse repeat.

Yeah. Great storytelling.

That said, obviously I’m going to see it and own it because it’s Star Wars and I am stupid. It’s the only franchise that can recycle the same fucking movie four goddamn times and still not drive its fans away.

See you in the theater, fellow suckers.

 

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Jack isn’t as cynical as he sounds but remains continually disappointed by his childhood icons. Still, he keeps coming back for more. But he does it all for you, because deep inside he’s just glad we live in a universe where they’re even been making X-Men films for almost 20 years.

The Trailer Roundup will return….